


The First Fight

by theonlyconstant



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-21
Updated: 2012-01-29
Packaged: 2017-10-29 22:05:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/324663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theonlyconstant/pseuds/theonlyconstant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It really is a just a simple misunderstanding. Except that it's between Barney and Ted. So really there's nothing simple about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the sequel to my other fic, "The First Night". I truly did not intend to rhyme the titles but oh well. I hope everyone enjoys this one too!

It all starts because once in a while Ted is really dense.

He’s sometimes dense because he panics. After he and Barney had been seeing each other for about three weeks he panicked that things were going to suddenly end between them, that Barney was going to suddenly get tired of him. They were still laying low at this point, dating but not really talking about it and the only person who really knew was Robin. So she was the one who helped Barney spell out “Ted is my boyfriend” in tea lights on the roof of their apartment, and helped get Ted up there to see the surprise. The tangible aspect of it – the seeing it there, spelled out and flickering with Barney standing next to it – that was what made the panic dissipate. And it really got the message through to Ted – that this was really what Barney wanted. That and the amazing sex afterward.

He’s sometimes dense because he always knows how to be Barney’s best friend but he doesn’t always know how to be his boyfriend. He’s always good at giving pats on the back and rousing, cheer-up-buddy! speeches, but not always good at knowing when Barney just needs to vent and not be given advice, or once in a while when he just needs to be held for a bit until he calms down. He’s good at playing video games and casual banter and getting tickets for sporting events, but not so good at turning on the romance for Barney. He’s still blown away by Barney’s moves – the smoothness, the ease with which he’s still able to pick up Ted even though they’ve been dating for two months. They’ll be sitting at the bar when suddenly Barney turns all the charm on, smile so bright and sexy it makes his stomach drop, cocks his eyebrow and gives him those bedroom eyes that make Ted shiver. And Ted tries to reciprocate, tries to charm Barney back but his tricks that have worked so well on women don’t seem to work so well on Barney. Eventually he settles on the fact that grabbing Barney’s dick and asking if he wants to have sex seems to work almost every time.

So once in a while, things don’t really get through to Ted. He misses little things, small signals around him. He missed the fact that Marshall and Lily knew he and Barney were dating when Marshall finally dropped his much anticipated dry spell pun on him (“looks like Barney had a little interTedtion in that department!”) He went on for weeks debating when to tell them, how to tell them, what to tell them – even if he should tell them at all – before he realized Lily was inviting them over for couples’ night, not just a regular dinner. And even then it wasn’t until half way through the dinner, when Barney reached over and stroked Ted’s arm (the way he usually only did in the privacy of their apartments) and then held his hand, right there on top of the table – then he had his light bulb moment. Thankfully, for Ted’s sake, while his eyes went saucer wide and he fought his instinct to grab his hand back and ask what the fuck Barney was doing, he managed to glimpse Marshall and Lily out of the corner of his eye, also holding hands and smiling at each other – that smile they gave each other when they were happy for another couple. So instead of saying anything at all, Ted just squeezed Barney’s hand, and they went right on having dinner. (They did not, however, stay for charades much to Marshall’s disappointment.)

He’s starting to get better about these things. He’s starting to reinvent his girl-dating self into his Barney dating self. So instead of bringing over flowers and chocolate for their very quietly celebrated six month anniversary, he brings over a bottle of 18 year old Macallan. Instead of offering Barney a foot rub after an awful day at work, he offers a blow job. And instead of taking Barney to an amazing French restaurant for his birthday, he takes him to the strip club. (He briefly considered the possibility of taking Barney to an all-male strip club, but decided against it. Besides, he wasn’t jealous of the strippers. Maybe a little jealous, but he got over it.)

So by this time, Barney is well aware that Ted can be a little dense (though he’s learning) and not always the world’s most awesome boyfriend (though he’s trying). All the same, they both agreed later that although the fault was on Ted, the mistake was made by Barney.

What Ted knew was that Barney had asked him to come over around 6pm on a particular Thursday evening. He knew that something was up, but he wasn’t sure what it was exactly. But that was the extent to which he knew what was going on that particular night. The rest of it, his not knowing the bigger picture, would cause the disaster.

When Ted arrives at Barney’s apartment he finds that it is empty. He uses his key to get in, expecting Barney to be there, but instead all he finds is a really nice suit lying on the bed. There’s a hand written note on it – “Put this on, I’ll be there in 30 minutes”. Ted smiles though he still has no idea what’s going on. It’s a really nice suit, and clearly not just one of Barney’s that he’s had lying around. It looks new, unworn. Ted’s wondering what exactly this might be for, trying to figure out what they’re doing. He goes through dates in his head and can’t pick out anything particularly important assigned to that day. It’s no one’s birthday, nothing really important is going on that he’s aware of. Barney still does like to take them out on the town sometimes, even though they don’t pick anyone up, and he does try to get Ted to suit up still though Ted rarely does. So Ted is starting to think this is some kind of kinky sex game that involves Ted putting on the suit and Barney taking it off when he suddenly remembers.

All of his grades are due that night.

He groans loudly. They have to be submitted before midnight or he’s going to get in trouble. Ted knows, logically, he could wait until early next morning and maybe get them in and get away with it. He’s suddenly overcome with the guilt of not doing the right thing, and even though he’s pretty sure he should be exactly where he is, it’ll only take about thirty minutes to get the grades taken care of – the same amount of time Barney said it would take him to get there. Ted figures he can put on the suit now, make it back to his apartment and get the grades submitted and be back in just enough time to be there for whatever surprise it is Barney’s got up his sleeve.

So, suit on, Ted dashes out the door to try to get everything taken care of just around the same time Barney, surprisingly early for once and also a little nervous, is getting to his apartment. They barely miss each other but they never even know it. In a Hollywood movie when the elevator doors opened Barney would have been standing there and Ted would have just had to wait to get his grades in the next day. But instead Ted’s already in a cab when Barney starts texting him.

>>Where are you?  
From Barney

>>Had to take care of something! I’ll be back in like 10 don’t worry.

>>Ted no we had plans. I don’t have ten minutes, you were supposed to be here now.

>>It’s ok, dude, I’ll be right back – I have to get my grades in, it’s important.

>>No, this is important. You were supposed to be here.

>>I’m sorry! I’ll be right back, just relax.

Ted doesn’t hear anything back for a while, as he races up to his apartment and gets on the computer. It doesn’t take him long at all - they were all saved and ready to go - he just hadn’t done it. As soon as he’s done he texts Barney again.

>>Ok done! I’m on my way back.

He’s in the cab, trying to weigh how pissed Barney is or isn’t at him – it’s unusual for Barney not to text back immediately, it’s like he has the phone glued to his hand. Halfway over to Barney’s place his phone finally alerts him.

>>Forget it, it’s too late anyway.

The message seems incredibly cryptic to Ted. Too late for what? What could Barney have possibly been planning that was on a time limit?

>>Too late? I’m almost there I swear, just hold on a second.

Ted doesn’t hear anything back by the time he makes it to Barney’s apartment. He doesn’t hear anything when he finally makes it upstairs. Barney isn’t in the apartment – Ted looks everywhere. The only thing out of place are the flowers on the kitchen table. They’re just red roses, tied with a piece of black cloth. Ted is texting Barney frantically now – where are you, I’m here, what’s wrong, where are you, what’s going on? But he hears nothing. He doesn’t know what to do – he calls Marshall, who doesn’t answer. He calls Lily, who also doesn’t answer. He calls Robin but he didn’t expect to her to answer anyway. He starts to panic a little and tries to figure out where Barney could possibly be and what was so important. Ted’s thinking he should try all of their usual spots but also thinks it might be better to just stay put. After a lot of pacing, more unanswered texts and phone calls, Ted gives up. He takes the flowers and looks for a vase and is surprised when he finds one. (Why on earth would Barney have a vase? Must be a left over relic from when Lily pretended to be his wife.) He puts the roses in the vase, sets them on the table, and settles onto the couch.

And waits.

And waits.

And just when he’s run out of TV to watch, just when he’s on the verge of either falling asleep or calling the police, Barney finally comes home.

He walks in the door quietly, without saying a word. His tie is loose around his neck, in that half undressed way that Ted always finds sexy.

“Hey,” Ted says softly, “I’m so sorry. I’m here, I’m sorry, what did I miss?”

Barney just stares at him. It’s a look that Ted hasn’t seen in quite a long time – disappointment. He has no idea what has gone on here, what has happened or what he has screwed up but he suddenly feels like it’s something big because Barney looks incredibly let down. Ted stands up and walks over to him.

“Barney, what happened?” Ted asks.

Barney breathes in deeply and lets it out slowly. He looks Ted up and down.

“That suit looks really good on you, Ted,” he says. His voice is small and exhausted sounding. They stand there for another beat before Barney passes Ted and heads to the bedroom. Ted follows.

“Barney what is going on, what happened tonight? I texted you, I called you, where the hell where you?”

Barney is undressing, and it looks like he’s taking giant weights off the way he’s moving. “I couldn’t answer my phone, Ted,” Barney says.

“Why? What were you doing? Was I supposed to be there?” Ted asks.

Barney just looks at him, beat. “Ted,” he says in a tiny, tiny voice, “I really don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“Barney, seriously, what happened tonight?” Ted asks. Barney disappears into the bathroom, then returns in only boxers. “Why won’t you talk to me?”

“What happened to you tonight?” Barney asks, and it’s like he can’t get his voice any louder than a whisper.

“I’m sorry,” Ted says, sitting down on the bed. “I just, as soon as I got here I realized that my grades were due. It only took me a few minutes to take care of it and I really needed to do it so I figured I had enough time. You weren’t even going to be home for another thirty minutes, it only took me like forty. If that.”

“Ted, you promised you’d be here,” Barney says.

“What?” Ted asks and then searches his brain for that promise. He knows that Barney asked him to be here, Thursday, this specific time. He knows he agreed to it. What did he promise? Just to be here, or did he promise something more?

“When I asked you to be here, Ted, you said you would. You promised me, I asked you to promise me,” Barney says.

“I’m sorry, Barney,” Ted says. He’s still frantically searching his mind for the words ‘I promise’, trying to figure out where and when this happened. He promises Barney things all the time some of which he keeps (promise I’ll be at the bar at six) and some of which he doesn’t (promise we’ll go to laser tag this weekend) because sometimes the things Barney wants him to promise are pretty out there. But Barney hates it –hates it – when Ted promises something, no matter how tiny, and doesn’t keep it.

Be there – this time on Thursday. He remembers that part. Why was it so important that Barney made him promise?

Barney just shrugs at the apology. Ted doesn’t see Barney shrug much, unless accompanied by words. Barney seems to be all out of words right now.

“Can we just go to bed?” Barney asks. “I’m really tired.”

“No, we can’t just go to bed,” Ted says. “You have to tell me where you were first and why I couldn’t reach you all night.”

“I told you, I couldn’t answer my phone, and if you had been here like you promised you’d know why,” Barney says. He’s getting under the covers, back facing Ted. His body language is screaming fuck off.

“Or you could just tell me, and then we wouldn’t have to do this right now,” Ted says.

Barney sits up quickly, covers falling from his body. “Ted, we’re not doing anything right now. We’re going to bed. I’m going to bed. If you wanna stay, stay, but I’m going to bed.” He throws himself back down on the bed, grabs the covers and pulls them up around his ears.

Conversation over.

Ted sighs loudly. He takes off the suit, turns off the lights and crawls into bed. He knows better than to try and cuddle right now. Barney is on the farthest edge of the bed as he can get while still being in it. Ted decides to just let it go for the evening, and maybe they’ll talk about it in the morning. Barney is clearly too upset to talk about it right now.

But in the morning, Barney is gone.


	2. Chapter 2

It’s two days before Ted can get any idea of what is going on with Barney. He doesn’t see him for that entire time. His calls and texts go unanswered, which really pisses him off. The only thing Barney will respond to is his repeated requests to know how he is – each time Barney says “fine” or “ok”. At least Ted knows he isn’t dead, but he doesn’t know much more than that.

He’s going on day three and he hasn’t even tried to go over to the apartment since Barney won’t talk to him, so he’s sitting down at the bar waiting on Marshall and Lily and he’s kind of angry. He hates the not knowing. He has no idea what he’s done to piss Barney off so much and why won’t Barney talk to him and what could have possibly been going on that night that was important?

He’s sitting with his drink, just staring at the ice when Marshall and Lily finally join him.

“Thank god you guys are here,” he says as they arrange themselves at the table.

“Yeah thank god you’re here Ted,” Marshall says, and Lily nods beside him.

“What, why? I have something to tell you,” Ted says.

“Barney is infinitely pissed off at you and you don’t know why,” Lily says, a sarcastic guess.

Ted’s quiet for a moment. “Yes,” he says slowly, “that’s pretty much exactly what is going on.”

“We know,” Marshall says, “we were there.”

“What are you talking about?” Ted asks.

“Last Thursday night, Ted, were you supposed to be somewhere?” Lily asks.

“Yes, I was supposed to be at Barney’s apartment. And I was there, and there was a suit and I put it on but I had something that I had to take care of first. It didn’t even take that long, and Barney wasn’t even supposed to be there yet, and I get back there and Barney is gone. Then I call him and you guys and no one is answering and Barney is pissed off at me and he won’t talk to me and you guys won’t talk to me and what has been going on for the last few days?” Ted is practically panting as he finishes because he’s really stressed out by the situation and really, and where have Marshall and Lily been the last few days when he needed them?

“Ted, what could you have possibly needed to take care of that was more important?” Lily asks.

“More important than what?” Ted is practically yelling he’s so exasperated. “I had to submit my grades! I forgot all about it, they were at home. I could have gotten in trouble. I didn’t know that I was supposed to be somewhere with something more important, and no one will tell me what the more important thing was!”

Lily and Marshall share a look. Marshall nods at her, then turns back to Ted. “Ted, last Thursday night was the GNB corporate dinner. It’s the dinner where all the biggest GNB executives show up, even the ones from out of the country. It’s a really huge deal, not everyone gets invited. If you go, it’s a huge networking and elbow-rubbing opportunity – get your name out there, your skills, those kinds of things. And so that makes it kind of a date thing. You pretty much have to show up with someone, be part of a couple. It’s just part of the protocol, I guess it kind of shows that you have some stability or home life or something to work for, I don’t know exactly. Barney and I both got invited this year. I brought Lily, and he was going to bring you.”

Ted has never fainted before, but at the moment he feels like he could. The room is spinning and getting gray at the edges. He’s trying to process exactly what he’s hearing. Part of him is panicking just slightly at the idea of being that public of a couple. Yes, around Lily and Marshall and Robin he has no problems. They’re still very discrete in public. Ted tries to imagine himself in some swank hotel ballroom, dressed in that incredibly expensive suit and smiling at all the big wigs that walk by them. In his imagination Barney is standing next to him, close enough to be touching but nothing more. As different executives walk by them, Barney reaches out to shake their hands, introduces himself and then puts his hand on Ted’s shoulder and says –

-Says what?

Ted’s mind can’t fill in that blank because while he’s thinking about it the reality of that situation hits him. This thing was a huge deal. It was an important, potentially career-changing opportunity. It was something that you needed to look really good at, to stand out and really wow. And more important, it was something that you took someone you really cared about to, someone who meant a lot to you and who you could show off a little.

It was possibly the most important night in almost ever.

And Ted had ruined it.

He recovers from the almost-fainting feeling and decides to let his head just hit the table. It hurts, but he feels like he deserves it. He can’t believe he didn’t take Barney seriously. He can’t believe that he somehow thought it had been just a game or just another night. Barney had made him promise – though Ted is still searching his mind for that – and Barney doesn’t take promises lightly. A promise is a challenge, and Barney had challenged Ted. Ted had accepted. (When, when, when did this happen? Think, Ted, seriously!) 

And failed.

He drags his head up slowly to meet Marshall and Lily’s gaze. They’re looking at him with a mix of sympathy and disappointment.

“Fuck,” Ted says.

They just nod.

“That’s why we couldn’t answer our phones, Ted,” Marshall explains. “You like don’t even bring them in the room. The worst thing that could happen is someone’s phone going off.”

“And I know you told Barney he could come back and get you but he really couldn’t,” Lily says. “It’s this huge private event, once they close the doors that’s it. And you don’t leave until the last of the head honchoes do.”

“Fuck, fuck, I can’t believe this,” he says. “But he didn’t tell me what was going on! He didn’t tell me it was a big important dinner! He just said be in the apartment on Thursday. If he would have told me, I would have been there! For sure!”

Marshall and Lily exchange another look, and this time Lily nods and turns back to Ted. “Really, Ted? If Barney had told you exactly what you were going to, you wouldn’t have chickened out, said no and tried to wiggle out of it?”

“What are you talking about, of course I would have-“ Ted cuts himself off. He tries to imagine how that conversation would have gone. In his imagination, he and Barney are lying in bed, and Barney is spooning him. Ted, imaginary Barney says, I have this really important potentially career changing dinner thing for GNB that I have to go to and I want you to come with me. Be my date. Imaginary Ted’s body goes stiff and his internal panic alarm goes off. Out, in public, being introduced as Barney’s boyfriend to executives that have more money and power in their little finger than Ted could imagine in his lifetime? How will it look? How will they look? How will Ted look?

“Ok,” he admits, “I might have panicked.”

“Yeah, duh,” Lily says. “Barney did tell you about it, kind of. He made you promise you’d go.”

“Wait - you were there when I made this promise?” Ted asks.

“Yeah dude, everyone was,” Marshall says.

“What?! I have been wracking my brain trying to remember this promise, I can’t remember it!” Ted says.

“It was about a week before,” Lily says. “We were all sitting here, and Barney turned to you and said ‘Ted, I have a top secret mission for you, and I need you to be there. Will you meet me at my apartment next Thursday night?’”

“And then you said not if the top secret mission involved laser tag,” Marshall supplies.

“Right, and then Barney said it doesn’t, but it does involve a suit,” Lily continues.

“And then you rolled your eyes and asked what in Barney’s life doesn’t involve a suit,” Marshall says. Ted squirms because he hates when they do this creepy tag-team thing detailing exactly how and when he’s been acting like a douche.

“And then Barney said very few things, and then he stared you right in the eyes and said ‘Ted, you have to promise me you will be there, this is very important’,” Lily finishes.

And suddenly Ted remembers - it all comes rushing back to him. They’d had just a little too much to drink that night and he knew they had said something important but whatever the important thing was, the promise, was swept away by the events happening later that evening that involved him being naked, Barney being naked and flavored massage oil.

That he can remember quite clearly.

The table is quiet for a while as Ted processes everything. He’s cycling through a million different emotions – upset that he missed the dinner, upset that he disappointed Barney, mad that Barney didn’t just come right out and tell him what the situation was, angry that everyone seemed to know how Ted would react if Barney did tell him and then upset again that they might be right about how he would have reacted.

As Ted is thinking and emoting, and Marshall and Lily are just observing with concern, Robin comes in the bar and joins the table. She sits down on the same bench as Ted, pushing him over to share. Ted moves but barely acknowledges her.

“Hey guys,” Robin says to Marshall and Lily. “What’s going on?”

The look at her, then both look pointedly at Ted. Robin looks at Ted also.

“Oh,” she says, with sudden understanding, “Ted just realized he’s been giant douche, huh?”

“Shut up, Robin,” Ted says though there is no anger behind it. Robin pats his back.

“It’s ok, Ted, he’ll get over this pretty soon. I promise,” Robin says helpfully.

Ted glances at her sideways because he wants to believe her, but he isn’t so sure.

“I’m not so sure, Robin,” Marshall says.

Fuck.

“What?” Ted asks angrily.

“No, I mean, don’t get me wrong - he will get over this. But the soon part, I don’t know. You know how Barney gets when he’s really upset about something, he gets in that weird funk and it takes him a while to get out of it,” Marshall explains. “I mean, Ted, not to rub it in or anything but you weren’t there and you didn’t see how disappointed he was.”

Ted tries to level Marshall with a glare. “Thank you, that was incredibly helpful,” he says.

“He’s not trying to be hurtful, Ted,” Lily says. “It’s just that he really was hurt. He was lost all night. I just think you’re going to have to do something really major to make it up to him is all.”

“I have no clue where to even start when he won’t even talk to me,” Ted says.

Robin side-hugs him. “Oh I’m sure you’ll think of something,” she says. Ted gives her a Look. “Or, ok, maybe I can think of something.”

“Now that would be helpful,” Ted says.

“C’mon, Ted, you’ve been dating for like six months and you can’t think of something you could do that would make the situation better?” Lily asks.

“Right now, no I can’t. Give me a little while, I’m working on it,” Ted says. “I think a beer is required for this.” He scoots Robin out of the booth so he can head to the bar.

Robin settles back down. “Has he always been this dense?” she asks. “Was I just blinded by the sex?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” Lily says. “He’s always been a little on the dense side and for some strange reason, people who are having sex with him are usually blinded to it.”

“Must be pretty good sex,” Marshall observes. Both Lily and Robin give him a look, and Marshall shrugs. “Well, I’m just saying, he’s pretty freaking dense sometimes.”

“So who’s going to be the one to tell him?” Robin asks.

Lily laughs. “Oh ho ho, not me and it better not be anyone sitting at this table! This is something Ted has to come to on his own. After he spent all that time freaking out about his relationship with Barney, and now they’re finally official and he can’t see that Barney is the one freaking out now?”

“I know,” Marshall says, “who would have thought that Barney Stinson would be the one wanting to show off his boyfriend, Ted Mosby? I mean seriously, what kind of bizarro world did we fall into?” Everyone pauses a moment to consider the answer.

“Bizarro world or not, no interfering from you Robin!” Lily says. Robin puts her hands up in defense. “You can’t give him any ideas.”

“But I’m really good at thinking up boy dates,” Robin says. “They’re so much easier than girl dates. I’m thinking of starting a business on the side – Robin’s dating service for presumably straight men who are now in a relationships with their best male friend.”

“I think you need a shorter name,” Marshall says.

“It’s just a working title.”

“Robin’s dating company aside, I’m serious,” Lily says. “No dropping hints, I don’t care how dense Ted can be. He needs to see what’s going on with Barney, how much he’s panicking about what’s going on. They’ve got to work through this on their own, no interventions.”

Marshall and Robin just nod.

Lily spots Ted walking back over to them. “Shh, shh, here he comes! Remember, say nothing!”

And for once, Lily doesn’t openly blab about what’s going on as soon as Ted sits down. He sits, and sighs, and they change the subject. They start talking about work, about their other friends, about the many trials of Robin’s dating life (though she’s dying to talk about her possible dating services). Ted participates in the conversation but is silently ruminating, going over every possibility, trying to decide what he needs to do. He knows this isn’t going to be an easy situation to solve.

It’s definitely going to take more than one beer.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, perfectly sober, Ted has finally come up with the perfect plan. It’s so perfect, it’s practically fool proof.

He knows Barney will be at work all day, so he cancels his late class and heads over to Barney’s apartment early. Despite having his key, he feels weird entering. He’s almost afraid the place will be destroyed, a total disaster. Worse, a small part of him is afraid of finding lingerie strewn all over the apartment.

But the place is immaculate as always.

There’s barely even a sign that Barney has been there in the last several days which panics Ted a little bit more, but he makes an effort to calm himself down. He notices that the table is bare, even though just days before there were beautiful roses on it. Ted congratulates himself for thinking to bring something equally as thoughtful, and places the new box of cigars on it.

He checks through the apartment quietly, and sees that the few things he keeps at Barney’s place are still there. It’s not like he really thought Barney would put them out of sight, or put them in a bag and throw them away, or burn them. Not really. His toothbrush is still in the bathroom, his t-shirts and pajama pants are still in the drawer, there are still two pillows on the bed and the few books he’s left are still on the nightstand on “his” side of the bed. Barney can’t be that mad, he decides. 

He knows he isn’t going to have to wait too long for Barney to get home, so he gets comfortable on the couch, bringing one of his books to skim while he waits. He doesn’t want to get too engaged in any one story, get a little lost and be distracted when Barney finally comes home.

He doesn’t have to wait that long. Right on time, just like clockwork, Barney arrives.

“Hey,” Ted says, standing, putting the book down on the coffee table. Barney looks slightly surprised but not entirely. He also looks tired and worn out, and Ted wonders why. Barney puts his briefcase down next to the door. 

“Hey,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to apologize, for everything. Lily and Marshall explained what happened. Barney I am so sorry, I can’t believe I let you down. I feel absolutely horrible,” Ted says, walking to stand in front of Barney.

Barney sighs. “I know you’re sorry, Ted, but what happened still really hurt. I looked like a fool,” he says. 

“I know, and I’m sorry for that too. I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make a fool of you,” Ted puts his hands on Barney’s arms, still crossed firmly across his chest. “Please, Barney, what can I do to make it up to you?”

“I don’t know,” Barney says. “I really don’t know, Ted.”

“You can’t think of anything, not one thing?” Ted asks. “There’s got to be something that I can do to make this up to you.”

“What did you have in mind?” Barney asks.

Shit, Ted thinks. This was his plan, this was what he had in mind – asking Barney until Barney told him something he could do.

“Uh, I didn’t really have anything in mind,” he stammers. “I’m just here, I’m just willing to do whatever you want. Whatever it is that you want, I’ll do it.”

Barney stares at him. Is that disappointment? Now what’s wrong?

“You didn’t think of anything? There wasn’t anything that you could come up with?” Barney shakes Ted off and walks away, moving over to the kitchen table where the cigars are. “Well, you came up with these,” he acknowledges, spinning the box to look at the label.

“Barney to be honest, I hadn’t realized how bad this made you feel. I didn’t know about the party, I didn’t know about the importance of it. I have no idea how to make up something this important to you, really I don’t. Do you have any idea?”

Barney simply stares at him. “No, I don’t.”

Ted sighs. “Do you wanna go out to dinner? Can I take you on a really nice date?” He starts reaching into his mind, trying to hit anything he can think of to stick. “We can go play laser tag, we can go to the strip club, we can go to a really nice scotch bar – we can do anything, Barney, anything you want.”

“Really?” Barney asks.

“Would I be standing here, offering you this if I didn’t mean it?” Ted asks.

“Sometimes you say things you don’t mean, Ted,” Barney says cautiously.

Ted gets red in the face and starts to glower inside. “Ok, yes. Sometimes I say things and I forget but I promise, whatever I say to you right now I am completely here for. What do you want Barney? What can I do to make this up to you?”

“Ok,” Barney says. “Here’s what I got. Despite your no-show at the dinner, I managed to make a good impression all on my own. I’ve been invited for a more private affair in a little over a month. Smaller dinner, maybe twelve of us from the company altogether. Marshall isn’t invited to this one, it’s a different department. Be my date,” he says.

“Of course I’ll be your date, of course,” Ted says, going over to hug and hold Barney delicately, like he’s trying to protect him from something.

“You have to make a good impression, Ted,” Barney warns. “This is an even bigger deal than before, a real booze and schmooze affair. You’re helping represent me to them.” Barney pushes Ted away slightly so he can look Ted in the eyes. “You have to be a really amazing boyfriend.”

Ted laughs sarcastically. “Please, I’m always a really amazing boyfriend.”

Barney gives him a look, one that clearly says ‘are you serious’.

“I mean, ok,” Ted says, “I really fucked up this time, I know. But I’ll come to this, I’ll be just as charming and personable as you are, we’ll have a really great time and we’ll make a really good impression together.”

“I’m serious, Ted,” Barney says. “You can’t try to be the smartest guy in the room at this thing. You can’t spout off random bits of knowledge, you can’t argue pronunciation. That’s now how these things are done; you have to play by their rules.”

Ted frowns. “Jeez, Barney, you make me sound like an excellent guy. Why do you want me to go to this thing again if I’m such a pretentious douche?” he asks, perturbed.

“I didn’t mean it that way, Ted, but you know how you get sometimes,” Barney says.

“Yeah, but I didn’t realize it was such a huge issue that I need a laundry list of the things I can and cannot do in the presence of your betters,” Ted says. “I mean how are you going to introduce me at this thing, this is my boyfriend Ted and please ignore most of what he says as he can be an annoying shit sometimes?”

“I didn’t say any of that,” Barney says.

“I mean seriously, why bother bringing me at all if I’m such an asshole?” Ted asks.

“Because I -“ Barney starts but stops himself quickly.

“Because you what?” Ted asks and he isn’t sure why he’s getting so angry but this whole situation is so awful, having Barney mad at him for so long and now it sounds like Barney is embarrassed of him. “Because you need some arm candy? Jesus if you just need someone who’s pretty and doesn’t say anything there are a million girls out there who would do that job just fine!”

“You’re twisting this around Ted, you’re over-thinking this,” Barney says warningly.

“Fuck!” Ted yells, throwing his hands up and moving away from Barney. “I’m so tired of everyone telling me that I’m over thinking everything. I think I’m thinking pretty clearly right now and I don’t really like what I’m seeing here. You want me, but only if I twist into the right mold, is that what’s going on here?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Barney asks, but Ted’s gone to the edge and there’s little hope of getting him back now.

“You know what, forget your dinner. Forget this. I’m tired of twisting around to be what Barney Stinson needs. What about what I need, what I want?” Ted asks. “Maybe you could think about that once in a while.”

“I do, Ted, I misspoke, I’m sorry-“

“Yeah you’re sorry, I’m sorry, we’re both a really sorry pair of idiots.” Ted starts walking towards the door. “I need some space,” he says.

“You’ve had space,” Barney says. “I need you, here with me, for this. Don’t walk away from me.”

“Are you threatening me? “ Ted asks, spinning quickly to face Barney.

“I- I don’t know,” Barney stammers. Ted doesn’t think he’s ever heard Barney stammer, except for when they’re in bed.

“Fine Barney, if you’re gonna threaten me then just do it,” Ted yells.

“Fine!” Barney yells back. “Ted Mosby if you walk out that door right now, don’t ever expect to walk back in.”

That’s the breaking point. The room is so filled with tension Ted can feel it all over him, stinging his skin and his eyes. His eyes are heated, his face is burning hot and he can hardly see Barney now, and how did the room get so foggy?

“Fine,” he says quietly. And he leaves.

It isn’t until he’s in the elevator, going down, that he realizes he’s crying.


	4. Chapter 4

The fog of Ted’s tears lasts for days – he thinks it does, but he’s decided not to pay too much attention. It’s the most painful thing he’s ever done, breaking up with Barney. Or Barney breaking up with him, he can’t decide exactly what happened. It doesn’t matter, either way it hurts like crazy all the time.

They don’t see each other for weeks after that. Ted hears second hand information about Barney from Lily and Marshall – Marshall sees him at work and Lily claims that Barney drops by her classroom occasionally but Ted is skeptical. He hears that for the first week Barney looks like hell (the same thing is said about Ted) and for the second week Barney looks like shit (same thing is said about Ted) but by the third week he’s starting to look like his old self again.

And that makes Ted freak out more than anything else he’d heard.

Because he hears it from Robin. And when Robin tells him that Barney is looking like his old self again, she means because he was seducing a girl when she saw him. Touching her, smelling her, giving her that look like she was the only person in the world.

And that hurts Ted more than anything he could have possibly imagined.

The truth is, Ted is miserable. He’s hurting, every day, without Barney. He’s cuddling his pillows at night, spraying his stolen bit of Barney’s magical cologne around his room, imagining that they’re still holding each other, still kissing each other, still making love.

Making love. Ted wonders if they have ever actually called it that.

It’s hard for Ted to think lately. All he keeps thinking about is Barney. He picks up his phone ten times a day to call his boyfriend – best friend – not friend – but every time he puts the phone down. He can’t dial. He picks it up ten times a day checking his text messages, making sure Barney hasn’t sent him one or called him, panicking over the idea of missing the chance to pick up the phone when Barney is on the other end say “I’m sorry – I’m sorry – please forgive me.”

Ted would forgive him in a heartbeat, but he has the overwhelming feeling he’s the one that needs forgiving.

The first week he doesn’t ask about Barney, even though everyone tells him about Barney. Marshall mentions the things he was wearing at work, the asinine things that he says. Lily talks about how down he looks, how depressed. Ted ignores it. If Barney really felt that way, he shouldn’t have dared him to walk out of the room.

Or maybe he shouldn’t have walked out of the apartment.

The second week he’s trying to shake it off more. He starts talking more about his own life, the things that he’s doing and starts trying to really ignore what he hears about Barney. He still feels sick when he hears about Barney, still might be crying at night or in the shower but he’s pretty sure no one knows.

Marshall and Lily and Robin – they’re trying to so hard to balance the situation. They’re trying to be there for both men, Ted knows this. They’re stretched thin trying to listen to both sides, console both sides and be there all around. He knows it’s difficult for them not to talk to Ted about Barney – it just slips into conversation whether they mean to or not. Ted knows they’re trying to hard not to choose sides, he knows that neither of them is more right or wrong in this break up than the other one.

It still hurts. It still hurts that they are both too prideful to try and call each other, to put aside their differences and work through this. But that’s not who they are, that’s not what they do – talking about things seems stupid, ignoring each other and fuming silently seems smart. Nothing really makes a lot of sense right now.

It isn’t until Ted hears what Robin says – about the date, about the romancing – that he starts to really lose it.

So he does what any reasonable guy in his position would do, after crying in bed for almost an hour. He assembles his gang for drinks at the bar.

Marshall and Lily arrive first, followed shortly by Robin. They’re waiting for Ted, who sits down at the table with a tray of shots.

“Oh, thanks Ted but I’m not really up for a shot right now,” Lily says.

Ted looks up from where he’s lining up the shots on the table. “Who said this was for anyone else?” he asks.

Robin draws in a breath sharply. “Ted is there something you want to talk about?” she asks.

“Yes, obviously,” Ted says, shooting back the first glass.

“Well?” Marshall prompts.

“So, it’s not like I care anything, I mean I’m over this whole thing and I’m fine and I’m moving on, too, so it’s not like this is a big deal or anything like that,” Ted says, eyeing the next shot. “I mean really, I’m doing ok, you guys know I’m doing ok right? Like I’m fine. I’m more than fine. I’m great. I’m Tony the Tiger great.”

He knocks back another glass.

Robin cocks her head. “Did you have a point anywhere in all of that?” she asks.

“Um, just, you know – um – does anyone know anything about this new girl Barney is with?” As soon as he asks the question he picks up the next glass and begins twisting it in his hands.

The group lets out a huge sigh of frustration. “Ted, I told you everything I know about her, just exactly what I saw,” Robin says. “He was flirting with this girl, it was typical Barney, it was two nights ago. It’s not like she’s his girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend? Is that what you’re worried about? Ted honestly when have you known Barney to have a girlfriend?” Lily asks.

“When have you known Barney to have a boyfriend?” Ted counters.

“Fair enough but I know right now he has neither one of those things, and he really does want to have one of them,” Lily says. “Hint – it’s the boyfriend part.”

“Well first of all if that’s what he wants then he should just call me and apologize,” Ted says and throws back the third shot, “and b, if that’s what he wants then why is he hitting on girls?”

Robin moves the last two shots away from him. “Ok maybe it’s time to slow down on those, buddy,” she says.

“Maybe he feels like you have something to apologize for too, Ted,” Marshall suggests.

“I did apologize! I apologized until I was blue in the face but it didn’t do any good and then he was really mean to me,” Ted says. “It really hurt my feelings.”

“You’ve been really hurting Barney’s feelings,” Marshall says, and Lily reaches over to touch his arm. She shakes her head quickly at him.

“What are you talking about? Are you saying I should have been calling him this whole time apologizing or what?”

“I’m just saying,” Marshall starts but then he says, “ow!” and glares at Lily.

“What is going on?” Ted asks.

“Ted, you really need to talk to Barney about this stuff,” Lily says. “He’s the one you should be working all of this out with, not with us.”

“Honestly though Lily, he’s going in completely blind at this point. I think we need to tell him,” Robin says.

“Tell me what?” Ted asks, hand sneaking over for another shot.

“No!” Lily objects. “They need to work this out alone, we don’t need to interfere. Ted needs to be a big and less-dense boy.”

“Baby, I know you have the best intentions here but I really do agree. We need to tell him,” Marshall says.

“Tell me what?” Ted asks again, throwing back shot four. Robin elbows him for stealing it while she wasn’t looking.

“They’ve been doing really good on their own so far!” Lily says.

“They haven’t been doing good for the last three weeks!” Marshall says. “Look, they’re both not talking, Barney is keeping this thing from Ted and I don’t think Ted is going to figure this out on his own. He needs help, they both need help.” He takes Lily’s hand in his. “I really think we need to tell him.”

“Tell me what!” Ted yells. “You said it three times, now you have to tell me! Tell me!” he yells again, slamming his fist down on the table.

Lily looks at Marshall and Robin hopelessly. “Fine,” she says, throwing her hands up in the air. “Ted, the real reason Barney is so mad about everything, what’s really bothering him, is that the night of the big dinner he was going to tell you that he loves you,” she says.

The whole table is silent. Ted stares down at the table, trying to process what Lily has just said. Robin pushes the last shot into his line of view, and Ted reaches out to hold her hand.

“We say I love you all the time,” he says quietly.

“You did,” Lily says, “but not since you’ve starting dating. He was going to tell you he loves you, really loves you Ted. He wasn’t going to tell you at the dinner but he had this whole big thing planned for after. It was really sweet, it involved a carriage ride.”

“I guess – I never thought that we had not said it. But I think you’re right, we haven’t actually said I love you,” Ted says.

“And fireworks,” Marshall says. 

“What?” Ted asks.

“The whole I love you thing, it also involved fireworks. I maybe helped him plan it a little,” Marshall explains.

“Fuck,” Ted says, dropping his head onto the table. He looks at Robin through the shot glass. “How did I not know this?” he asks.

“To be fair to you, he was exceptionally secretive about it,” Robin says.

“He didn’t even tell me until an hour before the dinner,” Lily says. “And then Marshall took my phone away.

“So that’s the real reason he was so upset,” Ted says.

“Yup,” says Robin.

“And that’s why he wanted me to go to the second dinner with him,” Ted says.

“Yup,” says Marshall.

“And that’s why no one wanted to tell me, because this was supposed to be a big surprise.”

“Yup,” says Lily.

Ted raises his head from the table while simultaneously knocking back the fifth shot. “And that’s why,” he says loudly, “I need to go over there and apologize and make things right.” He begins to rise from the table but all three jump up to pull him back down.

“No, not right now,” Robin says. “You just had five shots in about thirty minutes. You’re staying right here, or possibly going to bed soon, sobering up and then you can tell him.”

Ted sits and crosses his arms over his chest, grumpy. “But that doesn’t explain why he was talking to that girl,” he says.

“Yeah it does, dude, he still needs a date to that dinner,” Marshall says. 

“Why didn’t he just take you?” Ted asks, turning to Robin.

“Me?” she asks, surprised.

“Because Robin is a terrible liar who could never pull off being a good date at something like this,” Marshall says.

“I am not a terrible liar!” Robin says, laughing and primping her hair, turning away from him. “But he’s right, I don’t fit in at something like this. Too stuffy for me.”

“Apparently Barney doesn’t think I would fit in at something like this either,” Ted says.

“Ted, dude, I’m telling you this for your own good – sometimes you are a douche, and Barney was just trying prepare you,” Marshall sighs. “For as much as you over think your life you are really, really dense sometimes.”

“And now I’m really, really drunk,” Ted observes.

“Ok drunky, maybe it’s time to go upstairs then,” Robin says.

“But I still don’t know what to do about Barney,” Ted says, even as Robin is trying to shuffle him out of the booth.

“You’ll know in the morning,” Lily says.

“Lily I really don’t know about that,” he says.

“No, Ted, you’ll know in the morning because I’ll leave written instructions next to your bed,” she explains.

“You guys are such good friends. Did I ever tell you guys that you are such good friend?” Ted asks. “Except for when you guys are being jerks and hiding things from me, you guys are really good friends.”

“Seriously Ted, I think it’s bed time,” Robin says, pulling him towards the door. Ted goes willingly, knowing that by the next morning things in his life will start to get better.


	5. Chapter 5

And then it’s the night of the big dinner. Barney is getting ready, fixing his last cufflink. He checks himself carefully in the mirror, looking for something in his own eyes. He doesn’t see it, sighs, and walks out into the living room.

“Ready to do this, baby?” he asks the girl standing there.

“Ready!” she says happily, extending her hand to him. “You look fantastic,” she says.

“Don’t you know it,” Barney says to her, sliding his hand to the small of her back and escorting her out the door. In the elevator on the way down he contemplates grabbing her ass but he doesn’t want to, not really. He’d had a difficult time kissing her after their first date and felt like a complete fool for not sealing the deal, but he had to admit he wasn’t really that into this girl. But she looks gorgeous and is smart enough. He knows she’ll make a good impression at the dinner.

He really needs to take her. He’s spent a lot of time talking up his smart, gorgeous and charming date to his superiors. They’re expecting a knock out – the love of his life.

He’s managed to find second best.

His date smiles at him and he smiles back. He can make it through this night, he knows it. They’ll be just fine. After this he’ll find some way to ditch her. He really doesn't think he can handle trying to seduce her, not after all the pressure of this dinner and the knowledge that he won’t be there with the one person he really does want to be there with. The person he’s not even talking to, the person that he told to get out of his apartment forever.

He could really use Ted’s support right now.

And then just like that, as he opens the door to his apartment building and steps onto the side walk, he sees Ted. 

Ted, in the suit that he had bought him to wear the night of the first dinner. Standing in front of a limo.

Barney’s breath catches in his throat. A knock out.

His date has hardly even noticed Ted standing there and has already started to walk away. She turns around when she realizes Barney is still standing there, starting at Ted.

“Barney, is everything alright?” she asks.

“I just need a second,” he says with a hitch in his voice. “What are you doing here?” he asks Ted quietly, trying to keep the conversation hushed.

Ted smiles at him. “I’m here to go to dinner with you,” he says in his normal voice. He’s clearly not trying to hide anything from Barney’s date.

She steps over to them, having heard Ted. “Barney, really, is everything alright?”

“I uh, I just need a second,” Barney says. “Ted, seriously, what are you doing here?”

“Seriously, I’m here to take you to the dinner. I brought a limo, I thought you should arrive in style,” Ted says. “Oh! Also,” Ted quickly opens the limo door and reaches in, returning with a bouquet of roses, tied with piece of black cloth. “These are for you,” he says, handing them to Barney.

Barney takes them almost unconsciously.

“Ok seriously what is going on here?” his date says.

“Really, I just need a minute,” Barney tells her. He moves close to Ted so they can speak quietly. “Ted, you’re not supposed to be here. We’re broken up, and you stormed out, and I told you not to come back.”

Ted sighs. “You told me not to come back in your apartment, but I’m not in your apartment, I’m down here in front of a limo that’s waiting to take you to your big dinner.”

“Well you went in my apartment to get the suit,” Barney says.

“Do you want to stand here and split hairs or do you wanna get in the car and go?” Ted asks.

Barney steps back. “No,” he says loudly,” I don’t want to go anywhere with you.”

The girl is still standing there, looking terribly confused. Ted feels bad for her for just a moment.

“I think that you do though,” Ted says.

“Why on earth would you think that?” Barney asks.

“Because you love me. And because I love you,” Ted says.

Barney drops the flowers.

“Ok, seriously, this is getting weird,” the girl says. Ted turns to her and smiles.

“I’m sorry, I know this must be really awkward for you. Barney wasn’t completely up front with you. But don’t worry - you’re not the first girl he hasn’t been upfront with. My name is Ted,” he says, walking over to shake her hand, “and I’m his boyfriend, and I love him, so I’ll be taking him to dinner tonight.”

“Your boyfriend?” The girl asks Barney, looking beyond Ted.

“Well, I-I-“ Barney stammers.

“Well you what? What is going on here Barney? First you tell me you need to take me to this fancy dinner but really you’re gay? What kind of a girl do I look like to you? Are you really going to go to dinner with this guy?”

Barney shakes his head. “No,” he says.

“What?” Ted and the girl both ask, and Ted turns around to face Barney.

“I mean – that was a lot of questions. I mean you don’t look like any kind of girl to me. And I meant no, I’m not gay. I mean, I haven’t really thought about it – gut response I guess,” Barney says, walking over to Ted to stand in front of him, and if Ted isn’t mistaken those are tears in the corner of his eyes. “But I am in love, with Ted. He is my boyfriend,” and he reaches out to take Ted’s hand. “He’s my Ted.”

The girl is backing up slowly. “Ok, well, I’m just gonna let you two do whatever it is you two are doing here then…” 

“I’m sorry,” Ted says, “for everything. I didn’t know, I didn’t realize how important everything was to you. You still seem so strong, so in control, so Barney all the time. I didn’t know this was bothering you. But I do love you. I love you very much, Barney, and I would be honored to be your date tonight.”

Barney draws him into an embrace and they just stand on the side walk holding each other for a moment. “Can you just do me a favor,” Barney whispers, “and tell me that every day? Because I do need to hear it, Ted. I need to feel it. Because I love you too, Ted. Very much.”

Now Ted can feel the tears at the corner of his eyes. “Of course I can,” he says softly. “I can do anything you ask me to do.”

“Anything?” Barney asks and Ted feels Barney’s hand reach down and grab his ass. He laughs.

“Anything so long as it’s inside the limo because I think whatever it is you want me to do right now is probably illegal to perform in public,” Ted says.

Barney starts hustling him into the limo. “And possibly several states but that’s not important right now,” he says.

Ted pulls Barney inside the limo and on top of him quickly and manages to get the door shut. Barney yells out directions for the driver and they take off. Barney is all over him, smothering him with kisses and touches and Ted is doing his fair share of kissing and grabbing. He hasn’t touched Barney in weeks and he’s forgotten how awesome his body is, how amazing and tight and rough, and how familiar and perfect it all feels.

How could either of them have ever stopped doing this?

“We’re gonna mess up the suits,” Ted says breathlessly.

Barney stops suddenly and waggles his eyebrows at Ted. “I guess we better take them off then,” he suggests.

It’s been a while, but they haven’t forgotten how to do this. Barney slides the jacket off Ted and places it gently on the seat near them. He’s nimble with the buttons, undressing Ted in ten seconds flat.

“Did I ever tell you how hot you look in a suit?” Barney asks. “I got hard just looking at you standing there. You need to wear them more often.” He snakes his hand between them and starts pumping Ted’s cock.

“I will wear a suit every day if you will do this every time,” Ted moans, kissing Barney passionately. 

“Deal,” Barney says, and drops his head down.

Ted moans again, pulling his hands up and away so he doesn’t mess up Barney’s hair. How could he have ever fought with this glorious, talented mouth? He silently vows to let Barney win every fight from now on – but he does want to fight a little. After all, there’s a lot to be said for the awesomeness of a good make up blow job. Barney is really, really good at blow jobs.

Too good. His mouth is so wet, and he applies pressure so well. Barney knows exactly where and how to touch him to set him off. Ted doesn’t want to be coming just yet but the sane part of him reminds him it’s a short ride to the house for the dinner. Barney probably doesn’t want to pull up to his big night still sucking off his boyfriend.

Ted tugs at Barney’s ear in warning and Barney just nods around him. Ted inhales deeply and then lets go – lets go of all the anger, the resentment, the confusion and pain that has surrounded the last month. He lets go of control, lets go of his fears and just gives into release. And there’s Barney right there with him, helping him let go, helping him find release.

It’s almost like he blacked out a little. When he regains his senses, Barney is redressing him.

“Hey,” he reaches out and palms Barney through his suit. Barney gasps and bucks slightly but keeps moving. “What about you?”

“There isn’t any time, and besides I perform better when I’m full y alert if you know what I mean, and I know you know what I mean,” Barney says, leaning down to kiss him as he helps Ted slide the jacket back on. “Besides, the things I want to do to you are going to require much more space than we have in this limo. And possibly knee pads. You do have knee pads, don’t you Ted?” Before Ted can answer the limo comes to a stop.

They arrive at the dinner looking spectacular – suits perfectly intact. Ted feels his hair is a little worse for the wear but Barney assures him it looks just fine. As they walk into the dinner Barney puts his hand on the small of Ted’s back and leads him, takes him by the hand and walks up to the first guy they see. He taps the man on the shoulder and as he turns, Barney pushes Ted forward slightly.

“Sir, I’d like you to meet Ted,” Barney says proudly. “He’s my boyfriend.”

The older man smiles broadly and reaches out to shake Ted’s hand. Ted smiles back, returning the firm handshake but as he searches his brain for anything witty to say, any fact to spout or point to make, the only thing he can find are the words “I love you”, and instead he just decides to smile wider.

He sincerely hopes they never fight again. He wouldn’t miss a moment like this for the world.


End file.
